By means of research and practical observation, I have found relationships within the church are vital to ministry and leadership, and in this post, I want to explore why that is, what that looks like, and how to guard the relational work of ministry and leadership.
The Relational Nature of Pastoral Ministry and Leadership – Much of the pastor’s work is done in solitude, but pastoral ministry and leadership is relational for the following reasons and others not listed here.
The shepherd imagery of pastoring – Shepherds live with the sheep and earn their trust through contact with them.
The example of Scripture – Jesus developed His disciples through time spent with them, and Paul testifies to the relational connections with his churches.
The nature of discipleship – Discipleship is not just informational. It is relational.
The benefit of knowing people well – As you build relational connections with people, you get to hear about them and the church in ways that allow you to serve and lead more effectively.
The voluntary nature of churches and Baptist polity – Because the church is a voluntary association, you and I have no command control. We earn influence, and that influence with our people may be forfeited. Our people are free to refuse our leadership, ask us to leave, or leave the church themselves, so relationships are important to leadership.
The family nature of Christ’s Body – Even though you are in leadership, you are in God’s family along with your people. As part of that relationship, their gifs augment yours; their wisdom can help you; their experience informs your work.
Varying Types of Relationships – With a small amount of observation, we realize there are varying types of people with whom we interact, and thus, varying types of relationships. We immediately think of the different age groups in our churches, people at differing levels of Christian experience, staff and non-staff relationships, and those in leadership vs. those who are not. Not only are there age, discipleship, and functional differences among your church members, there are differences in the agendas various members may have and differences in how members will or will not allow you to relate to them. Further, the size of your church dictates that, in larger situations, you may relate to certain people more closely than others, equipping them to relate to and care for others in the congregation. Looking to Scripture, we find Jesus relating differently to different groups of people – both in His interactions with His followers and different types of people among those who were not (or not yet) His followers. Additionally, Paul and Peter, in their instructions to pastors, call for distinctions in relating to church members according to their respective age. These realities call for Godly love, wisdom, and discernment in order faithfully to lead and care for the flock entrusted to you.
Guarding Our Relational Work – In addition to keeping in mind the relational nature of pastoral ministry and leadership and maintaining an awareness of the differing types of relationships with church members, we must intentionally guard our relational work in our churches. The following are some ways to do this.
Guard your motives. Years ago, a professor said to us in class, “In every ministry situation, ask yourself, ‘Whose needs am I trying to meet?’” That has been one of the most powerful and enduring questions of my ministry. The recipient of your ministry is not there to meet your need to feel needed, to feel important, to have a friend, or anything else. You are there to bring the presence of Jesus into his or her life in a way that helps them grow in Christ and bear the fruit of their relationship with Jesus.
Guard against avoiding difficult people. It is tempting to hide in our work, spend more time with those who like us, or simply avoid the challenging people in our churches, but we cannot. They need love and ministry, and you cannot do that by avoiding them.
Develop the ability to be OK with one-way relationships. As mentioned above, many of your relationships in the church will be one-way relationships, and you and I cannot feel slighted when we are doing all the listening, caring, and investing without it being returned.
Realize you may occasionally have two-way relationships. Although you have to be very careful about whom you have two-way relationships with, you will sometimes find church members with whom you can mutually share friendship and discipleship in the Lord.
Be aware that the nature of relationships may change without warning. Whether from accidentally offending someone, a person deciding they want their relationship with you to be what it cannot be, the poison of gossip, or some other reason, people may turn against you, distance themselves from you, or leave the church without explanation. We have to be able to love and care for people without being “undone” when this happens.
Establish and maintain boundaries.
In what ways have you seen the relational nature of pastoral / ministry work play out in the local church? What challenges and blessings have you experienced in the area of church relationships? May the Lord give wisdom and grace as you navigate the relational dynamics of your work.