Although relationships within the church are vital to ministry and leadership, in this post I want to reflect on and highlight the importance of four ministry-strengthening relationships we need with people outside the church.
Relationship with a Mentor – Mentors in ministry are those who have been in ministry longer than you and have experiences and skills that allow them to serve as guides and teachers. They come alongside you in a teaching friendship to help you gain skills and knowledge. Sometimes this is a more formal arrangement, while other times it is less formal. Over the years, several people have served somewhat as mentors to me, although, in hindsight, I wish I had sought out intentional mentoring relationships. I also have been privileged to walk alongside others as a mentor, and the experience is deeply rewarding. I would say one of the key benefits of mentoring is filling in the practical ministry gaps left by formal ministerial education.
Relationship with a Coach – Although introduced to the concept several years ago, in the past two or three years I have really begun to see the potential in coaching. Unlike a mentor, a coach is not so much a teacher and guide as a facilitator who uses listening skills and questions to help you clarify and focus on issues, build effective action plans, and deal with obstacles to those plans. Sometimes, we need help taking a different perspective on things and dealing with a challenge, or even identifying what that challenge is. You and I need people in our lives who are skilled coaches – whether on a long-term basis or on a situational basis.
Relationship with a Key Professor or Professors – In your ministerial education, I hope you have encountered or do encounter one or more key professors with whom you have a closer relationship. These are professors who believe in you and extend to you a certain academic and professional friendship. They may encourage you in the trying seasons of your ministerial education and beyond, serve as resources in the days ahead, and possibly be good networking connections as you seek ministry opportunities. These professors may be especially helpful if the Lord guides you into a ministry of teaching at some point. One further note regarding professor friends is that you and I cannot possibly know everything we need to know. When you have friends in academia, you have access to expertise you may need from time to time.
Relationships with Resource People – Speaking of access to knowledge and expertise, you and I need relationships with resource people. The proliferation of online tools and services has altered this since the early days of my pastoral ministry, but I still believe it is important. From skills, to information, to service and ministry opportunities, to planning helps – as we serve the Lord, we need help, information, and other resources. For those of us in Baptist life, our local associations, state conventions, and national denomination can help, but actually knowing the people in those agencies is beneficial. You and I need people in our lives who know things, know people, know how to find out things, and want others to have the tools needed for success.
A Few Additional Points – I think it also is important to have friends (in the ministry and not in the ministry), and I have dealt with the importance of family relationships in other posts. As you consider your relationships, several points deserve mention.
Choose your relationships carefully, because these will influence you, and you want to be a God-honoring minister.
You need people in your life who believe in you with an honest knowledge of your strengths and the ability to recognize your faults.
You need people who love you enough to listen, care, help, and tell you when they believe you are wrong or headed for trouble.
You need people who love the Lord and the ministry enough to call forth excellence in you and your work.
You need people of wisdom and the Holy Spirit in your life.
You need a person or persons who will challenge you to keep growing in Christ.