How to Process and Handle Criticism

How does criticism affect you and your ministry? Does it depend on the nature of the criticism and who criticizes you? What types of criticism have you encountered? Criticism is a predictable part of serving the Lord’s people, and dealing with it effectively and constructively is crucial. Criticism can help you, wrongly control you, or cripple you. The manner in which you respond to criticism can grow you and your leadership or destroy your influence and hurt your church.

Some Broad Observations About Criticism – Let’s begin with some broad observations about the nature and source of criticism.

• Some criticism is offered directly to you, but other criticism is offered by one party to another about you. On the other hand, a person may offer you clear criticism on some point, or that person may offer implied criticism, and you must decide what the issue actually is and how to respond.

• There are various motives for criticism. Sometimes, criticism is offered in a genuine attempt to help you grow as a minister or succeed in your congregation. It may be a genuine, loving attempt to help you. However, criticism also may be leveled against you to harm you, to manipulate you, or to further someone’s agenda in the church.

• There are varied reasons for criticism. Sometimes we get criticized because we misstep – based on Biblical or policy expectations or based on the unwritten expectations of a church or church member. Other times, the criticism is not about that for which you are criticized. There may be an underlying issue that may or may not have anything to do with you and may or may not have anything to do with what you actually are criticized for.

Preparing for Criticism – Before we look at how to process and handle criticism, let me suggest some preventative and preparatory measures.

• Understand criticism is part of working with people.

• Cultivate in yourself the high regard for ministry and the familiarity with and obedience to the Bible that will help you be a person of Biblical obedience and ministerial excellence.

• Cultivate your sense of identity in Jesus and a teachable spirit. Finding your worth in Jesus frees you from being crippled by criticism, but a teachable spirit lets you learn from others’ critiques and perspectives.

• Understand criticism is not a badge of honor, and it does not automatically mean you are doing the right thing when you are criticized, just as it does not automatically mean you are doing things right when there is no criticism.

• If insecurity, defensiveness, and / or pride are part of your way of relating to people, deal with these traps. They will lead you to mishandle criticism.

Dealing With Criticism – For a helpful treatment of the malicious, destructive patterns of antagonists, read Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal With Destructive Conflict by Kenneth C. Haugk. For everyday criticism, I have found these approaches helpful.

• Strike a balance between giving the criticism too little attention and giving it too much. Every criticism provides an opportunity to double-check your work with honest questions about your performance. The level of attention may depend on whether the criticism is anonymous or not and the subject of the criticism. For instance, is it a doctrinal, legal, or moral issue, or is it a matter of personal style and taste? Does the issue concern written or unwritten church expectations or simply those of the individual critic?

• Try not to respond to the criticism immediately. Give yourself room to regain your footing, pray for peace and wisdom, and possibly mention the criticism to a wise and trusted confidant who can be a sounding board for you and help you be objective.

• Ask yourself what the criticism communicates about the person offering it, and try to discern whether the criticism is the real issue or if there is a deeper issue to address.

• What is the most Biblical, redemptive, and constructive way to handle the person and the criticism as concerns the church, the Gospel, the critic, and your ministry?

• Depending on the nature of the criticism and the heart of the critic or critics, you may need to ask some clarifying questions, but be careful not to convey defensiveness, timidity, or any other response that would exacerbate the problem, cost you credibility, or give undue power to the critic or critics.

Please note that the above are not an exhaustive treatment of our subject, nor are these suggestions given in a set order. On some occasions, you will need immediately to ask something like, “Can you clarify what you mean?” or “Can you help me understand your concern better?” On other occasions, you need to create space. In still other circumstances, you need to brush it off with a quick evaluation to make sure you haven’t truly erred and move on, loving the person in the Lord and faithfully doing your job.

What are some of the most common criticisms or types of criticism you have encountered?

Are there some constructive responses to criticism I have missed and you would like to add?

(Photo: Jeep Calvert Photography)

Encouragement for Your Ministry

In your work of ministry, do you ever get tired, discouraged, or frustrated? Do you ever feel broken down, beaten up, or disheartened? More than likely, you have in the past and will again. Our differing ministry contexts, personalities, and skill sets affect what impacts us negatively, but here are a few possibilities.

• You have done all you know to do but still aren’t seeing souls saved.

• You prepare your heart and mind for worship and give your all in the preaching each week, but the people seem focused on anything but God.

• The Godliest people in the church have the least influence, while the power people are the least spiritually mature.

• You see others in ministry doing the same things you do, or even relying on secular techniques, and succeeding.

• A trusted friend or family in the church suddenly turns on you and / or leaves the church without explanation.

• At every point of success, some party in the church finds a way to undercut the work.

I imagine you could use some encouragement, so I would like to remind you of a passage that has re-focused and encouraged me on occasion – 2 Corinthians 4. As we hear the Apostle’s heart verses, keep in mind we are not haring a list of instructions but the testimony of one who was hard-pressed by ministry challenges, yet sustained by the Lord. In his words, we too can be encouraged. First, your ministry and mine is worth doing well if we are pointing people to Jesus. What a humbling and freeing thought that God, in His greatness, condescends to use us for His purposes! Remember that, although we may serve at the pleasure of our churches, we serve at the behest of, for the pleasure of, and by the mercy of God Almighty. Therefore, you and I are called and encouraged to integrity, excellence, and faithfulness, which really are the true standards in our work, which flows from a genuine connection with the Lord Jesus. Second, your ministry and mine is sustained by God’s power. Time and again, I have had to strive to let God’s “enough” take the place of my “not enough” through faith and dependence on Him, and challenges may serve as reminders of our need for His empowering work. As I write these words, I pray that you will find God’s power at the point of your need so you may be sustained in the work God has called you to. As I think about the sustaining work of God’s power, it seems that some do not rely on God’s power; some get to busy to foster intimacy with God for that power; and some are not sure how to find that sustaining connection. May you and I walk in His power. Finally, your ministry and mine is all about the eternal. This seems so hard to keep in mind in the week-to-week work of ministry. There are the very present spiritual and health concerns of the people. There are the very present and temporal issues of staff relationships, coordination, and task interactions. There are the very temporal issues of building, budget, meetings, etc. Paul points us to three elements of the eternal. One is the inward renewal of the Lord Jesus whom we serve, as His resurrection power lifts us day-by-day. Another is the weight of glory in our work – a weight of glory that is sometimes hard to see amidst all the inglorious realities of daily life and work. Then, there is simply keeping our eyes on the eternal and spiritual instead of the temporal.

One risk I run in addressing such a weighty passage and such a sacred matter in so brief a space is that you may feel I have slighted the depth of your challenges or offered surface reminders. My intent is to let the Lord spark renewal and encouragement in you and your work as you  reflect on these things. I hope there is someone in your world with whom you can grab a cup of coffee and discuss these things, then lift them in prayer. Be blessed in Jesus as you serve.

1. What is one particular challenge that discourages you if it is not represented in the list I mentioned earlier?

2. What one or two ways of remaining encouraged have you found helpful in your ministry?

3. How do you or how might you keep the unseen and eternal in view moving forward in your ministry?

Dealing With Apprehension and Fear

Have you ever seen fear cause problems in the church or in ministry? If so, how has it manifested itself, and what resulted? Ranging from mild apprehension to outright fear, concern over what might happen in a situation can harm the work of the Kingdom. In fact, Proverbs 29:25 (NASB) says, “The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted.” Further, Psalm 56:11 (NASB) states, “In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Apprehension and fear can keep us from doing what we need to do – sharing our faith, seeking reconciliation with and ministering to a difficult church member, or confronting a church member or staff member over some questionable practice. Fear and apprehension also may lead to you do what you should not – hiding in your office doing non-people work, delaying important actions longer than appropriate, overreacting to people, etc. Although a measure of caution and restraint often are wise, let’s look at some ways to handle fear in the ministry so we more consistently do what we need to do and refrain from doing what we should not.

Clarity is important, so the foundational issue is to get a handle on what is going on. From regular evaluation of your life and work to times when you are well aware of the apprehension or fear, you need to understand what is happening in the situation. First, what is the nature of the fear? Is it fear of confrontation, rejection, fear embarrassment, failure, criticism, being wrong, some form of loss or hurt, or the unknown? Second, what is generating the fear? Is it basic risk avoidance in your own personality, past experiences, or some unfolding or suspected set of circumstances? Maybe it is a perceived lack of knowledge or skill to deal with the situation. Third, how reasonable is the fear? Fourth, what is at stake, and what are your options? Objectivity is important for clarity, so a trusted confidant, mentor, colleague, or coach can help you avoid blind spots, gain new perspective, and ask the hard questions in a spirit of encouragement and support.

The above paragraph leans toward specific instances of fear, but there may be a general type of apprehension, tentativeness, or fear in your life or ministry. Here are a few suggestions for addressing it.

• As I already suggested, identify the fear and its source.

• Make the fear a matter of regular prayer, confessing the fear and the errors it leads to and asking the Lord to replace fear with courage and wisdom.

• Get help from a trusted encourager who builds you up without enabling your pattern of fear.

• Get very honest about the fear of people and the reverence of the Lord, allowing the fear of the Lord and accountability to Him to outweigh other fears.

• Familiarize yourself with Scriptures that address fear and courage so you can know them and pray them, and learn Scriptures that inform how we do church and relate to various situations so you can have more confidence.

• Discover additional wisdom and practice the skills that will help you be more confident and less fearful.

• Work on establishing your identity in Christ instead of in self, in success, or in how others respond to you and your ministry.

If you are like me, you can recall times when apprehension or fear mislead you in your ministry or damaged others’ ministries. As you reflect on the thoughts I have shared with you, may the Lord give you a sense of encouragement because of strides you have made overcoming fear and apprehension, and may He give you increased victory in this matter.

How have you seen fear or apprehension harm ministry or the church?

How do you distinguish between a healthy level of concern, which leads to better decisions, and harmful apprehension and fear?

PC: Andy Barlow of Barlow Creative Rockport, TX

When God is Your Job

Do you ever get kind of burned out and spiritually dry? Does your enthusiasm for the work ever wane? If you are new to the ministry, this probably hasn’t happened yet, but it may become an issue later in your ministry. I would like to share with you some observations about a potential cause of tiredness in the ministry and some approaches for dealing with it.

Some time into my second pastorate, I decided to take a vacation, as I was tired emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I wasn’t too big on taking time off, because, as a single pastor, the prospect of spending a week somewhere by myself wasn’t appealing, I found my value in being busy, and small churches aren’t known for paying enough to allow one to do a lot of travelling…but I was tired. So, I went down to Aransas Pass and Mustang Island for a couple of days, then I went to Enchanted Rock to camp for a couple of days. Sitting on the back side of one of the big hills there, I asked the Lord what was going on with me and why I was so tired. He revealed that I had gotten in the habit of resting from Him instead of resting in Him. You see, God was my job, so I had started leaving God at the office so-to-speak. It wasn’t a matter of taking up some sinful diversion or un-Godly pastime – I just set my thinking about God aside when I left the office to avoid burnout, and it didn’t work. Have you ever gotten to that point?

As important as it is to take breaks and have devotional time in the Bible in addition to sermon study, I am addressing something deeper – a basic mental, spiritual, and emotional approach toward the Lord. Let me mention some things I believe can lead to “unplugging” from the Lord instead of resting in Him:

• Unlike Christians who work in secular professions and come to church a couple of times a week, the church is our workplace. I trust this holds true for those in the ministry education setting as well, where focusing on church-related issues is the daily work.

• The church situation is stressful and God is connected to that, so we unplug from thinking about God when we need to stop dwelling on church issues.

• We forget that serving God and being with God are two different things.

• We lose the sense of mystery about the ministry as the mechanics of the work make it more of a job than a passion and calling.

One helpful verse is Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (NASB). I am not suggesting we do nothing but think about Jesus or that we don’t engage in diversions, hobbies, etc. I am suggesting the following:

• Cultivate self-awareness so you know if the Lord and the work are becoming equated in your mind and heart.

• Practice living in an awareness of the Lord, worship of the Lord, and sensitivity to Him as your Companion and Source, not simply the One for whom you work.

• Take breaks and practice spiritual disciplines in order to connect with Him at times other than when you seek Him for guidance relative to your ministry tasks.

Has working in a ministry setting ever dampened your walk with the Lord? Have you ever found yourself equating the Lord with the job and distancing yourself from Him in order to take a break from church work or other ministry?

What are some ways you cultivate freshness in your relationship with the Lord and stamina for ministry?

The Relationship Between Confidence and Humility

Some time ago, I spent a few days “chewing” on a question and asked several people to think about it with me – "What is the relationship between confidence and humility?" Part of the reason was an apparent disparity between the confident, assertive tendencies of pastors who have influence and grow and lead churches successfully and the humility the Bible seems to demand of Christians. Additionally, I have seen pastors and other ministers so full of themselves they were unpleasant to be around, and I have seen humility express itself as tentativeness that failed to earn respect and achieve results.

Let me pose some additional questions before I share my conclusions and the input of my friends.

• What is your mental picture of confidence and of humility?

• Does one seem more like you than the other? Does one seem better to you than the other?

• What does our culture say? From what you know of the Bible, what does it say that might help us understand this relationship?

• Can a person be confident and humble at the same time, or are these characteristics mutually exclusive? As one increases, does the other one automatically decrease?

• What have you seen produced in people’s lives by humility . . . by confidence?

Next time you get in your vehicle, look at the thermostat. Unless it’s digital, it may have all red on one end and all blue on the other, with both in-between. As one increases, the other decreases. That is how I used to see confidence and humility. I thought the goal must be to strike “a happy medium” not overly confident or overly humble. Why?

Well, if you’re like me, you have seen confidence lead people to be jerks and run over others, and you have seen humility lead people to be weak and indecisive so they are taken advantage of. For instance, people who think they are so right that no one else is worth hearing are annoying, and those who think they are never right don’t get anything accomplished. The issue becomes even more pointed when you think about the call for Christians to be humble and the practical reality that humility does not seem to help you get ahead in daily life. Of course, maybe we need to re-think our definitions of confidence and humility. I got to thinking about three Bible characters – Moses, Paul, and Jesus. Scripture states the humility of Moses quite clearly, and yet, his powerful leadership is un-deniable. The Apostle Paul could not have traveled and preached and confronted others as he did without confidence, and yet, his writing about God’s grace in his own life demonstrates deep humility. And Jesus (God in the flesh) demonstrated unwavering confidence and gentle, approachable humility. In fact, He said that He is humble. Maybe the right kind of confidence and humility are not opposites.

I see confidence and humility working together so each one helps produce the other. Humility allows us continue to learn and grow, which, gives more grounding for confidence. Confidence allows a person to be humble, because certainty is based on reality not ego. My thoughts were confirmed by the input of a former professor, Dr. Nancy McLaughlin, who suggested humility is a sign of true self confidence, as it frees us from having to prove our knowledge. When confidence is well-grounded, a person is freed from bluffing or being arrogant, which actually stem from insecurity. Summarizing in her own words, “As confidence grows, the comfortable cloak of humility is more easily worn.”

I also suggested that we might re-think our definitions of confidence and humility. In addressing confidence and humility, Dr. Vicki Vaughn, of the Jackson Center for Evangelism in Brownwood, TX wrote the following – “To me, confidence and humility are two sides of the same coin. By that I mean, it is only in genuinely embracing our role in time and in eternity (creation loved by the Creator, redeemed sought and bought by the Redeemer) that we are broken in humility by such love. That understanding alone can produce the ability to move through life in bold confidence because we know who we are and Whose we are. To me, that is the difference between moving in confidence (living out what God says about us) and moving in arrogance (resting on what we have to say about ourselves)...all the difference in the world!”

Many things in church life can threaten our confidence if it rests in getting people to do what we want them to do, in life circumstances, or in our own inner attitude apart from Christ. Additionally, our natural tendency may be either to cripple our work with self-doubt or to endanger our work with arrogance. Let me encourage you this week to cultivate Godly confidence and humility simultaneously.

What are some key points in your journey that have improved or hindered your confidence and your humility?

In what ministry settings is it easier to be confident and humble…more difficult?

Preaching Series Planning

Although I have preached many stand-alone sermons, the majority of my preaching is in series for several reasons. When I was in seminary and pressed for time, I discovered the value of knowing where I was heading rather than figuring out three sermon passages and ideas each week. Additionally, my understanding of how Scripture is put together and the example of a pastor during my college years lead me to use the Bible book approach often. Further, most topics and themes in the Word require more than one sermon for equitable treatment. Finally, preaching series can model how to put Bible themes together, how to let Scripture interpret itself, and how the Bible works. Special occasions, unfortunate events, and strong convictions from the Lord may lead to stand-alone sermons, but in my experience series are helpful most of the time.

There is a call for topic-based series and Bible book series, and both approaches can utilize expositional or textual preaching, but the question arises as to how one plans those series. In addition to a lifestyle of prayer – personally, for the church, and for the preaching – here are four key elements.

Familiarity – Make sure you are familiar with the main theme of each book of the Bible and the overall themes across the Biblical witness. What are the timeless Biblical principles, and how do they relate to one another? Make sure you are familiar with your people. Knowing your people should improve your planning. In fact, I sometimes write all our people’s names on a whiteboard so I can think through their issues and lives with a view toward my preaching. When you have not been at a church long enough to do this, you can think about what you know about the church, people in similar life stages, and churches like yours. Bible book series can be very helpful at this stage, when there are some very safe bets as to what would benefit a church and there are clear themes in certain books of the Bible. Make sure you are familiar with your context and issues that might impact your hearers, as well as issues they may need to know how to address from God’s Word.

Observation – As a preacher and teacher of God’s Word, careful observation will help you generate ideas for series. What do you hear and not hear in the stories the people tell personally and publically? What are their favorite topics? What hurts, needs, fears, goals, and hopes do they have? Listen deeply in order to understand and love them, and as you do, you will come across ideas for what to say. Of course, listening is not the only form of observation. Watch their patterns of interaction. How do they handle themselves when alone or with others? How does the group or some part of the group conduct its business? What are the hopes, dreams, values, and overall patterns of the church? Observe with a heart for the Kingdom’s increase in them and through them.

Questions – Good questions are very helpful in determining what series should be preached. What questions do your people ask explicitly? What questions are suggested by their lives or the events and trends in the church? What questions do you have as a pastor that, if you were to dig into God’s Word with them, would enrich your walk and theirs? (Caution: Because not all of your people are firmly grounded in their faith, you do not need to pose questions in a way Satan may use to undermine their faith.) Here are some examples of series arising from questions. A man in a discipleship group asked about the greatest threat to the family, and it turned into a ten part series on threats to the family. My long-time question as to why so many Christians seem to relate poorly to others led to a series on how our faith ought to impact our personality. And, sadness apparent in our church led to a series on finding God’s joy in our sadness.

Maintaining a List of Possibilities – However much of the year you plan at a time, I suggest maintaining a running list of possible series topics and books of the Bible from which you have not preached at your current church (ones you feel pertain to them). As you walk with the congregation, listen to them, and pray for them, ideas will come to mind, so write them down. Then, when you sit down to think and pray about the direction of the church, possible gaps in their discipleship and growth, etc., you have some ideas to think and pray over, and you are not starting from scratch.

What other ways have you found helpful for generating sermon series ideas and for planning them?

How do you maintain balance in your preaching – balance in themes addressed, needs of various congregants, various portions of Scripture?