Think with me about a time when you experienced criticism. Did you respond well or poorly, and what did your response set in motion? I suspect most of us can think of times when we responded poorly, and that poor response was harmful. Some time ago, I wrote a piece giving you suggestions for how to handle criticism in the ministry. Now, I want to circle back and look at three categories of poor responses to criticism and how they can be detrimental.
We give criticism too much weight. – Probably, every one of us has had criticism leveled at us to which we gave too much weight – we took it too seriously, let it go too deep in our hearts, and let it lead to over-response or unhealthy response. Maybe we were having a hard day, or we were criticized about something we already were a bit unsure about. Maybe the person was influential in the church or simply had a way with words, tone, and demeanor that hit us hard. Maybe we just misjudged how big an issue the criticism was. At any rate, when we give a criticism too much weight, we may lose sight of other, positive things that are happening, or we may start second-guessing ourselves. We might stop doing something we really need to keep doing, but the criticism leads us to shut down instead of simply modifying our work or taking it under advisement and proceeding respectfully. Conversely, we might start doing something out of reaction that really isn’t called for or healthy. We might give this person undue influence to keep him or her happy (something folks who manipulate with criticism count on). We might start feeling unduly bad about ourselves or even begin to resent the criticizer. We give criticism too much weight when we misjudge the importance of the critique or miscalculate what our response should be. To assign the proper importance to a criticism, step back and look at the criticism as objectively as possible. Think through the ramifications of the issue that has been mentioned to you, the source of the criticism, and actual best responses rather than overreactions.
We do not give criticism enough weight. – On the other end of the spectrum, have you ever blown off a criticism to which you really should have paid attention? I figure we all have. We failed to realize how much influence the person had, that he or she really was upset, or that the issue really was serious. When we misjudge the influence, we risk turmoil in the church and our own leadership effectiveness. When we misjudge the seriousness of the issue, we fail to deal with things that are harmful if left unaddressed. Other times, we might be too dismissive of the person. Sometimes, a criticism is not about a huge issue, but the person wants to feel heard and valued, and the criticism may come from a place of misunderstanding. In that case, giving the issue or the person some timely attention can prevent a lot of hurt and may even built relationships, allow us or the criticizer to learn something, and strengthen the church and our leadership. Dismissiveness not only is insulting, it robs us of the opportunity to minister, to grow, or even to clarify something if the criticism is based on misunderstanding. If we listen carefully, demonstrate love and concern, modify things when needed, respond in humility, and even apologize when it is warranted, we honor God and protect the unity and witness of His church. Going a bit deeper, sometimes, a criticism is not really about the stated issue. The criticism may simply be the most readily identifiable or most easily voiced complaint. If we listen well and ask some good questions in a non-defensive manner, we may discover some deeper needs and opportunities for service and growth. Finally, the criticism may actually be something other than a critique. It may be an attempt to help or protect us. It may be an effort to guard the glory of God, the witness of the church, or the work of the Kingdom. It may be a warning of impending trouble. It may be a suggestion. It may be a request for some sort of care or adjustment veiled in the form of criticism. Again, step back and evaluate as objectively as possible. As I mentioned above, think through the source of the criticism, the actual nature of the issue, and best ways to move forward.
We respond to criticism out of the flesh, immaturity, pride, or insecurity. – I will not go into each of these difficulties and the particular ways they might manifest themselves, but I want to mention three poor responses to criticism that might stem from any or all of these. First, we might deny any possibility we have acted or failed to act in any way that deserves critique. In this case, we need to cultivate humility. Second, we might become defensive, jumping to self-justification or blaming. In this case, we need to own our responsibilities and face things head-on. Third, we might “blow up” at the person or group bringing the criticism or become punitive toward the person or group in some way. Here, I think about the admonition in Colossians 3:15 to let the peace of Christ rule or guide in our hearts – and thus in our relationships and interactions. Every response to criticism that comes out of flesh, insecurity, pride, immaturity, and other character deficiencies is harmful to others, to the cause of Christ and to our ministerial effectiveness. Poor and hurtful responses also may shut down future communication with you. As difficult as criticism may be to hear, if you are hearing it, at least there is communication, and you have an opportunity to address it.
As you think about criticism in your own experience, what are some ways you might adjust your responses in order to minimize harm and capitalize on any opportunities found in it?