In my last post, I looked at some biblical instruction on relating to older church members, ways older members may view younger pastors, and a couple of tendencies to avoid in our relationships with more senior members. Now, let’s explore some specific issues we must navigate, particularly when we are very young pastors.
People Who Are “Older” in the Church Regardless of Age – Unless you are in a church a long time, are reaching many new members, or are planting a church, most of your members will have more tenure in your church than you. Here are three resulting realities. For one thing, they will have more sense of ownership and heritage about the church, and you will have to respect this and learn to work with it. Another reality is some of these people are great assets as you learn the church’s history, culture, and general way of functioning. Spend time with them – ask meaningful questions and listen deeply to their stories, concerns, and aspirations. Finally, they may not see the need for change in the church that your fresh perspective allows you to see, so you will need to work with them on this. And, it may be that, with careful observation, you will find things you think need to change do not.
People Who Are “Older” in the Faith – We need to look at this issue from two angles. The first is that there may be people in your church who have been born again longer than you have, whether or not they are older than you are. Additionally, their faith maturity may or may not exceed yours, and there may be a sense of seniority on their part unless they are humble enough to realize their need for continued growth. Your ministerial call and position do not make you more mature, spiritual, or knowledgeable than these older brothers and sisters in Christ. Regardless of your estimation of their spiritual condition (which often is only discerned with time), respect their years of walking with the Lord and learn from their perspective. It may be that you sharpen them in Christ, that they sharpen you, or that the sharpening is mutual. The second angle from which to view this issue is that of people who did not become truly born again when they joined a church but have been doing church longer than you have – sometimes longer than you have been alive. It is not up to us to decide who these people are. Your ministry and prayer, along with the Word and the Spirit, will have to soften their hearts and lead them toward genuine faith in Jesus.
Learning From More Senior Members – The fact is, particularly when you begin in ministry, there may be a seasoned servant of God in your church from whom you can learn about ministry. Their heart for the Lord and His work and Word, coupled with their love for His church and care for you, may make them an invaluable asset as you add to your academic training the practical realities of caring for God’s people. Here is my caution. You cannot do this with every older member. Some want to be in the position of teacher so you don’t have leadership with them or the church. Others will disrespect you, and you certainly cannot afford to approach an older member as if you know nothing and are not tasked with caring for their spiritual life. What is required of you is confidence in the Lord and His call (your identity in Christ along with the Word and Spirit) and humility (realizing you have not lived all of life or experienced the full spectrum of ministry). Be wise in this regard.
Two Encouraging Examples – As we think about investing in older members and the possibility of them investing in you, I want to offer two examples from a previous church. First, we had a Monday night men’s meeting in which a few of us met in my office and shared our current life issues, discussed the Word, sharpened each other, and prayed together. We built into each other, and I pastored these men toward Christ despite the fact I was substantially younger than most of them. This ministry yielded fruit in their lives and in our church and spilled over into ministering to each other and praying together on Sundays before worship. The second example is a man in the church to whom I ministered in a season of crisis. My work with this man, who is old enough to be my father, became an ongoing friendship of mutual ministry lasting years beyond my time in that church. We love each other in the Lord and value each other’s perspective.
Space prohibits sharing more examples here, and I may address more dynamics of older member relationships in a future post. However, I pray the Lord will grant you the wisdom to value your older church members and more senior brothers and sisters in Christ. I pray you will walk with confidence and humility that will afford you influence with them, earn respect from them, and further the Kingdom in your life, their lives, your church, and our world.