Have you ever felt misunderstood? Has that misunderstanding cost you in terms of negative impact on others, emotional strain, relational strain, or lost leadership influence? I would like to offer you some suggestions that will help you maintain communication awareness, avoid miscommunication, and increase your effectiveness. Although we could examine verbal communication, in this post I want to address interaction and self-presentation. And, I suggest everything we do and do not do communicates something.
How we respond to people in crisis communicates something. – A couple of preliminary observations are in order. First, not every perceived crisis is a crisis, and our response can help a person gain perspective. However, in the moment, it is a crisis to that person. Second, some people live from crisis to crisis, and a lack of boundaries keeps us at the disposal of these people and prevents adequate attention to the rest of our ministry. Third, we need to be a stable and dependable presence as we represent Jesus and bring His ministry to people. Given these realities, think about our response to crisis. What you do and do not say communicates. Your timing, availability, presence, and level of calmness and / or urgency all communicate something. Our challenge is to be aware of what we communicate and what we need to communicate and do it well.
How we use time communicates something. – I would suggest there is some variation between different types of churches when it comes to written and unwritten expectations of how you use time. However, we need to know these expectations and exercise self-discipline in how we use our time. By how we use our time, I am referring things like how much time and what hours are spent at the office, in the community, and with church members. Do you allow some aspects of the job to keep you from doing others or allow your personal responsibilities and interests to prevent you from doing your job well? Do you appear to be late, or are you late? Even if you have been working before you arrived, if you are late or appear harried when you arrive, you may communicate lack of care about the work or the people and may communicate you are not attending to your responsibilities. Do you allow yourself to be interrupted sufficiently to let people know they matter and to let God bring you ministry opportunities, yet keep enough schedule to ensure your work gets done? You may be a hard working pastor, but if people have no idea where you are they may assume you are lazy. You may have a great heart for the community, but if you are not also available to your people, they will assume you do not care about them. Conversely, if you spend all your time in the office and doing inreach, you may communicate a lack of concern for the lost, and you are not doing evangelism.
How we present ourselves communicates something. – At this point, I am referring to dress and grooming. First, you and I serve a holy God, and our work is vitally important. In my opinion, how we present ourselves says something about the God we serve and about our work and its importance. Second, I would suggest your ministry context has something to do with what you wear. Are you in an upscale city church or a rural church? Are you in a working-class church, a ministry to the poor, or a cowboy church? I would also suggest that the given work you are doing dictates how you dress but not your grooming – you should look sharp and dress appropriately. There is some disagreement over what one should wear at church, particularly to preach. Whatever you wear, it should befit the seriousness of the preaching event and the worthiness of God. I believe that, if your people have built relationships with lost people who visit your church, and you handle yourself with humility and accessibility, lost people will not be turned away from God because you dress as if God and His Word are serious business, whatever that looks like in your context.
Space does not permit a full discussion of other means by which we communicate, but a list of examples should suffice.
Staying withdrawn before church may help you focus on the Lord, but it can communicate aloofness and disinterest in the people.
Failing to take care of something the church believes is your responsibility may teach others to take up responsibility or develop other leaders, but if not handled well, it can communicate dishonor for God, disrespect for your people, and a lack of concern for the work.
You may demonstrate a lack of preparation for some aspect of ministry because you feel the people place an inordinate emphasis on it or because other duties seemed more pressing, but a lack of preparation forfeits the respect of your people.
Failing to return calls or emails in a timely manner may communicate you are inaccessible and people are not important to you.
There are other examples, but my point is that you may intend an action or lack of action to communicate one thing, but it can communicate something very different. On the other hand, you may act or not act with no intention of communicating anything, but you still communicate something. Here are some suggestions:
Be aware of what you are doing and what it may communicate.
Understand the culture and expectations of the church.
Remember people cannot read your mind and may not give you the benefit of the doubt when they have to guess your motives or what you are trying to communicate.
Be careful about making changes or delegating things the church expects you to do without communicating what you are doing and why.
Be well prepared for whatever you do.
Over communicate.
Build respect and relationships with the people.
Everything communicates something. Does it communicate what you want it to and what it needs to?