I recently heard a great question posed to seasoned ministers. Basically, it was, “If you could go back in time and give one piece of advice to your younger self in ministry, what would it be?” I suspect most of us would have more than one piece to give, and a lot of what I have written in this blog since its inception has been just that sort of information. However, my most likely answer would be, “Identify and deal with your weaknesses as soon as possible.” Professional coach training and doctoral studies in leadership have exposed me to the importance of identifying, developing, and capitalizing on strengths, but there are some weaknesses that, if left unaddressed, will undermine our effectiveness regardless of how intently we focus on our strengths. They include pride, anger and short temper, impatience, impulsiveness, being reactionary, procrastination, defensiveness, insecurity, being inconsistent, lack of follow-through, sifting blame and avoiding responsibility, avoiding confrontation, fear, combativeness, and being a people pleaser among others. What would you add to this list? So, how might we identify and address our weaknesses?
Pay attention – As ministers, you and I cannot afford to be oblivious to our own way of being, doing, and interacting with others, and an earlier post already has addressed the importance of cultivating self-awareness. However, we also need to pay attention to others in ways that help us identify our weaknesses and refine ourselves as Christian persons and ministers.
Pay attention to other ministers and Christian leaders – What do you like or admire, and what do you dislike and find troubling in other ministers? Use the answers to these questions to get a feel for what honors God and is beneficial, and evaluate yourself based on that.
Pay attention to others’ responses to you and your leadership – How do others relate to you? Do they seem avoidant, hesitant to communicate openly, defensive, etc.? Again, in an earlier post, I have noted that people interact with us often based on themselves rather than us, but people’s responses to us also can give us clues as to things that do and don’t work well in ministry and leadership.
Pay attention to trusted confidants – What are trusted people in your life telling you? What have those who love you suggested you need to address? Have you asked them?
Get help with assessment – People have a remarkable capacity for self-deception and blind spots, including pastors and other ministers. Unassisted, you probably are not adequately aware of your weaknesses. Here are some sources of help.
Personality assessments – We have access to helpful tools, some of which indicate problem areas, while others simply show us our natural tendencies, which can help us know what to watch out for as we live and lead.
Trusted confidants – You and I need a small number of people in our lives who love the Lord, love us, and want the best for us, but who also will ask us hard questions and lovingly challenge our weaknesses and missteps. Be very careful whom you allow into this position, as some people will seek this role in order to control you or gain an inside track with you. If you do not have someone like this, begin asking the Lord to provide that person. Personally, I believe, other than your spouse, this person needs to be of the same gender as you.
Ask better questions – The right questions are powerful. Part of my learning over the years has been through questions in this area. As I watched others or evaluated situations, I asked things like, “What went wrong and what might be done differently?” “Do I act like that person or sound like that person I find unpleasant and un-pastoral?” There are others. But, let’s go deeper. Interviewers often ask us to identify our weaknesses, but a better question is, “What would others say your weaknesses are?” An even better variant is to imagine particular people in the room and ask things like, “If my wife were asked, what would she say my weaknesses are?” “If someone asked my staff, what would they say my weaknesses are?” Get specific and use variations of this line of questioning. Further, obtain the help of a coach to help you get perspective.
Faithfully Address the Issues – A single blog post cannot fully deal with what we do about the full range of potential weaknesses in ministers, but here are some suggestions.
Engage in regular reflection and evaluation.
Stay focused on the Lord as you identify and deal with weaknesses, rather than letting them become your focus.
When you identify a weakness, ask yourself things like: “Where is this coming from?” “When and why does this weakness show up?” “What is the payoff for not dealing with this?” “What is the benefit of getting this resolved?”
Cultivate your walk with the Lord, including through spiritual disciplines, cooperating actively with Him in His work of shaping and refining you.
Live by faith, by the Word, and in the Spirit with confidence and humility in Christ.
Get professional help as needed, whether counseling, coaching, or both.
I think of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 4 about carrying the glorious Gospel and reality of Christ in earthen vessels, and you and I certainly are earthen vessels. Our call is to not let weakness and fallen tendencies hinder the work or diminish the extent to which we show others Christ’s glory.