What have been some of your disappointments, and how have they affected you? What happens when we are disappointed in the ministry context? There are three broad areas of disappointment in ministry – with self, with other people, and with what we feel God has or has not done in some instance. First, there is disappointment with self. There are times we are needlessly disappointed but, there also are times when we need to be disappointed in ourselves. In some way, we have not honored the Lord and given ourselves fully in good stewardship of the work. Then, disappointment is right and can be constructive, as we have the opportunity to evaluate, learn, and move forward better. In addition to disappointment with ourselves, other people will disappoint us, and the ways in which they may do so are numerous. Finally, we may feel disappointed by God. I am not saying God actually lets us down, but we may have times when we feel God has not kept up His end of things. We may feel He has not blessed our obedience or supported our effort when we followed His leading and Word, or we may feel disheartened when He does not intervene in a situation the way we want Him to.
Disappointment has to do with unfulfilled expectations, so it seems to me we set ourselves up for disappointment in one or more ways. Here are some.
Being Overly Idealistic – Although I never want to lose my sense of what ought to be as we seek the Kingdom, we have to live in the real world of human limitations and inconsistencies and all that entails. We need to have aspirations and expectations, but wise realism helps us hold the tension without being crushed by disappointment.
Being a Rule-Follower Without Realizing Others are Not – I tend to be a rule-follower, and I also have expected others, particularly Christians, to follow the rules of law, polity, and Biblical principles consistently and without question because I tried to. The fact is, we will be disappointed if we expect everyone to have an unquestioning obedience to rules that may be in place.
Naiveté – There are bad people, inconsistent people, dishonest people, bent people, and victimizers in the world and in the church. When we have lived a somewhat sheltered life, we may not be aware of the darkness in our world, and we may believe church people are different. True, church people should be different, but getting saved and joining a church (and certainly attending a church) does not automatically clean people up and transform them, and failing to realize this sets us up for disappointment.
Faulty Expectations – Sometimes our expectations are faulty because they are unreasonable (un-tempered by wisdom), while other times they are un-Biblical. Either way, when our expectations are wrong, we will be disappointed with self, church members, lost people, and even God. Allow me to elaborate on this last one. It seems to me, people sometimes expect God to do things God is not necessarily in the business of doing. Let the Bible determine what you expect.
Now that we have considered some sources of disappointment in ministry and some things that can make it more likely, allow me to mention two possible, negative responses and a third, more constructive one.
Stop Having Expectations – One of my college roommates used to say, “Don’t expect anything from anybody, then you won’t be disappointed.” At times, I have adopted this approach, but t is not productive. In fact, even though expecting nothing of people might alleviate some disappointment, I believe we will be more disappointed in the end. When we have no expectations, I believe we isolate ourselves, refuse to trust, refuse to partner with people, and refuse to risk on others and on God. So, I believe we will get some years down the road and be highly disappointed because we did not venture into territory we might otherwise have entered if we had allowed ourselves to have wise expectations.
Become Jaded – We may become so disappointed in self, people, or even God that we become hard, calloused, and cold. We might drop out of the ministry, drop out of church, or worse. Or, we might stay in the ministry but start simply going through the motions, adopt a sarcastic spirit, or take some other destructive course of action.
Find a way to Grow – You may say, “You don’t understand. I have been hurt deeply. I am confused and frustrated. I am in a season of spiritual dryness and tiredness from numerous disappointments.” I promise you, from a heart of caring and Kingdom concern, I do know. And, even after many disappointments, I would still lovingly and gently suggest the following responses to disappointment. First, grow in wisdom and skill. Every disappointment is an opportunity to evaluate and learn how better to understand life, self, others, ministry, and God. It is a chance to refine your skills and ability as well. Second, grow in your theology and understanding of God’s Word. When you are disappointed, go back to Scripture and dig. I have found the sting of some disappointments alleviated as I understood more of the Bible and allowed it to modify my expectations. Finally, grow in grace and love. When you disappoint yourself or others let you down or seem to do so, allow these times to enrich your appreciation for God’s grace and love, and grow in your ability to extend that grace and love to others wisely and redemptively. You may even have to allow the Lord love and extend grace through you when you are not able.