I suggested in my last post that boundaries are crucial in ministry. Like the lines on the road, ministry boundaries are intended to help us avoid drifting toward danger and crossing over into detrimental attitudes and actions. We already have looked at boundaries among ministry tasks, with certain people in the church, and with money. I want to explore three more areas in which boundaries are important.
Boundaries With Self, Family, and Church – A recent succession of conversations, articles, and social media posts has reminded me of the issue of balance in ministry. Ministry can be all-consuming, but we have additional responsibilities, including self-care and the needs of our families, not to mention simple life responsibilities. In a recent training event, Becky Biser, of Tarrant Baptist Association, pointed out the four-faceted issue of self-care, consisting of Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual elements. I would suggest certain boundaries, as well as other measures, help us ensure our fitness for the work of ministry through addressing each of these dynamics. Further, as relates to the family, 1 Timothy implies pastors must take adequate care of their families, as the Apostle Paul speaks to family stewardship as a ministry qualification. Conversely, the example of Jesus and the Apostles is one of sacrificial love and service to and for the church, suggesting ministry is a work of sacrificial love and total effort. I believe appropriate boundaries with family and church enable us to serve well and be good stewards of the family flock under our care at home and God’s flock in the church. We will explore this tension further in a later post.
Boundaries With the Opposite Sex – Although I intend to address the rationale for boundaries in a later post, I must mention a few reasons here. When ministering to members of the opposite sex, boundaries are necessary to guard against inappropriate relationships and the perception of inappropriate behavior on the part of others. As a minister, you must guard your heart and mind so the relationship never begins to meet needs for you that it should not – affirmation, closeness, romantic fulfillment, etc. Similarly for the person to whom you are ministering, your service to them must be for their growth in Christ and must not be allowed become something it has no right to be. Finally, people inside and outside of the church, for various reasons, may make suppositions and accusations and stir rumors about you and your ministry to a member or members of the opposite sex. Boundaries guard you, the persons to whom you minister, the church, and the Gospel witness in the world. Boundaries may include not meeting with a member of the opposite sex alone or behind closed doors, not meeting with them outside of the church office or office hours (i.e. not at restaurants and coffee shops and not at odd hours), and not discussing intimate subjects. Additional precautions include accountability partners, having someone of their gender minister to them or meet with you as you meet with them, and not allowing the counseling or ministry to extend into a protracted number of meetings. Finally, I would suggest, in this era of privatized communications via personal cell phones, texting, and personal social media connections, that you guard against private and secretive communications and watch closely the nature of any communications for signs of impropriety.
Boundaries With Minors – In writing this, I assume that you, as a minister, have no inclination to hurt or misuse a minor in any way. If you do, you have no business in ministry and need to get out of ministry and seek professional help. I also need to caution you about situations in which you may be a young minister and have youth of the opposite sex who technically are not minors but functionally are under your ministerial care. Boundaries with minors protect the children, you, the church, and the cause of the Gospel. As I did in addressing boundaries with money, I want to begin by pointing you to outside resources such as denominational and associational experts and materials and services such as Ministry Safe. Some basic boundaries, however, include background checks for anyone working with minors, windows in doors of rooms where children are, adult supervision of children at all times, and adequate adult supervision (i.e. at least two adults with children at all times). Additionally, some of the same guidelines I mentioned in the previous paragraph apply here – no odd hours, no private locations, no inappropriate subjects, having a person of the same sex as the child present for counseling, etc. A post of this nature is not adequate fully to addressing these boundaries, but the point is to guard against any situation where a child might be hurt, where your actions or someone else’s might be misunderstood, or where false accusations might be made.
Boundaries serve as limits to the situations in which we place ourselves and others. Boundaries guard people, churches, and the cause of Christ. Good boundaries align with wisdom, God’s Word, the law, and church policy, and they are crucial in ministry.
What modifications would you suggest to the above boundaries?
What additional boundaries would you suggest?
What additional areas need boundaries (areas other than boundaries with tasks, people, self/family/church, the opposite sex, and minors)?
When have you seen boundaries keep a pastor or other minister out of trouble?
When have you seen the transgression of boundaries result in harm in ministry?